Blaaahhh, venting. Read if you actually care.First off, I want to apologise for not getting around to answering questions/mail I got from long ago and recent. Life’s been pretty stressful so I’ve been feeling down quite a lot and when that happens I get terribly anxious, seclusive and reluctant to talk. So I’m really sorry if I’ve been looking rude and evasive. I still find it hard to see my worth a lot of the time…

I’ve been having difficulty thinking over how to get around to doing the things I want to do in my life. I really want an art career but I get intimidated by how hard it is to get in and I want to make sure I make the right choices in order to get there. However, I’m so stupidly shy and anxious that its hard for me to push myself and get anywhere. I’m not even sure that I have what it takes right now, I’m also terribly indecisive and self-conscious and because I’m not making a quick decision I’m feeling pressured into doing things outside of art that I don’t want to and it doesn’t feel good at all. I guess I’m just terribly stubborn like that …

Hell, I don’t even think my art is of a good standard for it. I think my work has been very repetitive so I’ve been trying to draw different things here and there. Plus, trying to improve on particulars like anatomy as always. I’m gradually getting better and I improve every year, but I still need to do more. I actually get awfully worried that you guys may even find my work boring. Sometimes I get put off a lot of the time seeing other people’s work and comparing it to my own. Everyone else’s styles seem so exciting and unique and I keep thinking my art style is bland. I am trying to take in how everyone’s work ticks though and I try to pick up new techniques to make my work better. I still feel like I’m under a huge artblock of sorts and its been for so long.

I suppose you guys must be thinking I take this way too seriously and even see art more as chore than something I enjoy but don’t get me wrong. I love to create and art is who I am. I just want to be able to create nice things gosh.

So, yeah, I feel stuck and practically stagnating. Everyone else seems to be doing or done great things so I feel inferior. I did have uni plans last time but things didn’t go well and in the end I didn’t feel ready. I suppose I could try again but it is coming to the end of the ‘school year’ and I want to create a fresh and more worthy portfolio after having my confidence bashed on my old one, so that will take a long while. I still don’t know If I even have the confidence for such a big step…

Bleh, sorry for such a huge weh weh post. I hate doing these but I just felt the need to get the word out and its been getting me rather upset through the weeks. Plus money difficulties in the family in general so we’re all under stress. I have taken up careers advice though so I really hope I have all the help and support I can get. I’m also on a waiting list for confidence building classes that should be starting next month so I should be attending those if no other plans arrive at that time.

Again, I’m sorry for this but hope everyone else is having a good day.~!